It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures. At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful blonde in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door (which she closed behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?" "Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you." He said, "Screw him, give him a dollar." The blonde then said, "The breakfast was my idea."

Popularity: 2% [?]

Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?A: You can park in the handicap zone. Q: What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievment?A: An IN-body experience!Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?A: Humpme Dumpme. Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?A: Shine a flashlight in their ear. Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?A: It takes too long to retrain them.Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer? A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.Q: What do a blonde and your computer have in common? A: You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you. Q: Why don't blondes eat Jello? A: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages. Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas? A: They can't find the zipper.Q: What will a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive? A: Her ankles.Q: Why don't blondes use vibrators? A: They chip their teeth.Q: Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts?A: Cause their balls show! Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs?A: It's the only car name they can spell. Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?A: An interpreter. Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes? A: A mental block.Q: What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning?A: Pack their lunch and send them to work.Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning? A: Introduces herself. Q: How can you steal the window seat of a blonde on a plane going to London?A: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row. Q: How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the Toronto Maple Leafs? A: She fell out of the tree. Q: What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?A: Locking the car door.

Popularity: 14% [?]

1. Juan Valdez names his mule after you.2. You chew on your roommate's fingernails. 3. You can jump-start your car without cables. 4. You do twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in. 5. You can't remember your second cup. 6. You have a picture of your coffeemug on your coffee mug. 7. Starbucks has a mortgage on your house. 8. Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil. 9. You don't sweat — you percolate. 10. You grind coffee beans in your mouth.

Popularity: 1% [?]

1. You know you have if you… notice your tie sticking out of your fly. 2. Someone uses your tongue for a coaster. 3. You start kissing the portraits on the wall. 4. You see your underwear hanging from the chandelier. 5. You have to hold on to the floor to keep from sliding off. 6. You strike a match and light your nose. 7. You take off your shoes and wade in the macaroni salad. 8. You hear a duck quacking, and it's you. 9. You complain about the small bathroom after emerging from the closet. 10. You refill your glass from the fish bowl. 11. You tell everyone you have to go home… and the party's at your place. 12. You ask for another ice cube and put it in your pocket. 13. You yawn at the biggest bore in the room… and realize you're in front of the hall mirror. 14. You pick up a roll, and butter your watch. 15. You take out your handkerchief and blow your ear. 16. You tell your best joke to the rubber plant. 17. You realize you're the only one under the coffee table.

Popularity: 1% [?]

486: The average IQ needed to understand a PC.State-of-the-art: Any computer you can't afford. Obsolete: Any computer you own. Microsecond: The time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer to become obsolete. G3: Apple's new Macs that make you say 'Gee, three times faster than the computer I bought for the same price a Microsecond ago.' Syntax Error: Walking into a computer store and saying, "Hi, I want to buy a computer and money is no object." Hard Drive: The sales technique employed by computer salesmen, esp. after a Syntax Error. GUI: What your computer becomes after spilling your coffee on it. (pronounced 'gooey') Keyboard: The standard way to generate computer errors. Mouse: An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate. Floppy: The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer. Portable Computer: A device invented to force businessmen to work at home, on vacation, and on business trips. Disk Crash: A typical computer response to any critical deadline. Power User: Anyone who can format a disk from DOS. System Update: A quick method of trashing ALL of your software.

Popularity: 3% [?]